Take the opportunity to model respectful language

Written by Carol Layton, Director of Communications, NCBAM

Nothing good ever came from a tsunami. So why is it acceptable to refer to 73 million baby boomers as a "silver tsunami"—as if they are a looming catastrophe? This phrase is just one example of how language about aging subtly influences one's perception of older adults.

With the mission of providing "help for the journey" to individuals 65+, North Carolina Baptist Aging Ministry (NCBAM) is deeply aware of the cultural messages surrounding aging—and how these messages can minimize or distort the worth of older people. While most of us would never intentionally speak disrespectfully to someone based on age, we live in a culture where such language is normalized.

NCBAM seeks to present a biblical view of aging in which elders are honored, valued, and seen as capable contributors to God's ongoing work. Throughout Scripture—through examples like Moses, Joshua, Daniel, and Anna—we see older adults presented as faithful servants empowered well into their advanced years. American culture, however, often pulls in the opposite direction, celebrating youth while minimizing the gifts of age. The Church has a powerful opportunity to model something different.

Sometimes, even when trying to be kind, people use language that unintentionally diminishes. A restaurant host, seeing my friend and me (both in our 60s), greeted us with, "Right this way, young ladies." When he walked away, we looked at each other and sighed. He meant well, of course. But why not simply, "Right this way, ladies"?

Curious what others thought, I polled a few friends. Their responses ranged from "infuriating" to "respectful" to "a Southern thing." Regardless of intent, the phrase carried an underlying message for me—being older is something less desirable.

My sensitivity to these issues began long before I turned 50. Because my grandmother was 40 when my mother was born—and my mother was 36 when I arrived—my relatives tended to be older than those of my peers. I remember, painfully, two moments that shaped my understanding.

In first grade, my 42-year-old mother came to pick me up early. As she greeted the teacher, a classmate blurted, "Who is that old woman?" I felt shock, embarrassment, and anger on my mother's behalf.

Sixteen years later, I visited my 97-year-old grandmother in the hospital. A well-meaning aide, speaking in singsong "elderspeak" called her "punkin." Again I felt embarrassed and angry—this time for a woman who had memorized Scripture and classical poetry throughout her life. I wish I had said, "Her name is not Punkin. Her name is Nora."

We now know that "elderspeak" toward older adults—especially those in skilled nursing facilities—can lead to depression and resistance to care. Even trained staff sometimes slip into it out of habit, which is why many facilities regularly retrain caregivers on respectful communication.

But the issue isn't just how other people speak, older adults diminish ourselves with comments meant as compliments: "Wow! You don't look 70!"—as if looking one's age is a failure. Or we soften reality with euphemisms like "older and wiser" or "young at heart," when we could simply say someone is thoughtful, energetic, optimistic, or experienced—attributes not tied to any particular age.

I recently heard of a group of older adults at church who didn't want to join the "senior" ministry, so they formed the "junior seniors." It's a humorous example of how deeply our culture resists acknowledging age—sometimes even among those who have earned every year with grace.

Yet Scripture offers a radically different view. Consider:

• Abraham, called by God at age 75.

• Anna, the prophetess, who was advanced in years when she proclaimed Jesus in the temple.

• Isaiah 46:4: "Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he... I will sustain you."

• Psalm 92:14: "They will still bear fruit in old age."

These reminders reveal the dignity, purpose, and spiritual vitality that belong to every older adult—because God Himself honors them.

This is where North Carolina Baptist Aging Ministry finds its calling. Day after day, we work to affirm the God-given worth of aging adults through practical support, safety initiatives, spiritual encouragement, and compassionate companionship. We strive to help older adults maintain independence and meaning, not because culture demands it, but because Scripture commands us to honor them.

In a world that often overlooks or misunderstands those with gray hair and long experience, the Church—and ministries like NCBAM—can shine a brighter, more respectful path. When we listen deeply, serve humbly, and speak with dignity, we demonstrate the heart of Christ.

NC Baptist Aging Ministry exists because no one should walk the challenges or joys of aging alone. By standing beside older adults, speaking respectfully with Christlike care, we proclaim that every season of life is sacred, every person is valued, and God's purposes endure—no matter one's age.