Stories: Homeword

In My Rearview

The girls hurry to the car. We made plans quickly, but the expectation is as great as if we had all been waiting months. Their smiles and laughter sets the tone for the excursion.

“Road trip!” my wife Kathy declares.

My family has a tradition that when there is a need to just get away, we take quick, short trips – “road trips.” We leave behind chores, school, work, and worries to unplug and enjoy time together.

The luggage is loaded. Kathy has the itinerary written on a scratch piece of paper she found in the kitchen drawer. She buckles up and has the travel directions she Googled lying in her lap. I look in my rearview to see if the girls are set. We back out of the driveway, and we’re off.

The interstate spreads out before me. I use the cruise control and settle into the driver’s seat. As the miles begin to add up, my mind sets out on its own journey traveling back through time and pausing along the way at this memory and that memory like roadside attractions.

Like the fascination with the largest ball of twine nestled by the fields of corn spread out like a sea of green, the world’s largest frying pan mounted in a brick and mortar base near the abandoned old Dairy Queen, or the “big” chair that rises high above main street near the railroad tracks, I am swept away with my experiences and the lessons I have learned along the way.

I glance again in the back seat. I see my daughters. One is napping to catch up on the rest that has evaded her as the pressures of classes and exams have robbed her of sleep. Another reads, absorbing her imagination in the tales that take her to other times and places. The youngest looks out the window at nothing in particular, resting from the separation of her daily routine.

My reflections yield plenty of emotions. A joyful smile creeps across my face, and a laugh chases the smile into a muffled chuckle. Feelings of melancholy and loss move toward the back door of my mind. Despair wants to linger but is ushered out by renewed hope. Resolve settles in and unpacks its belongings, dusting the corners and fluffing the sheets. The emotions are like road signs that define the paths to pursue or avoid. Life’s lessons are rarely learned in the moment. We learn these lessons only when we stop, look back and reflect on our experiences.

Lessons such as:
- Who our children become is directly related to the time we spend with them.
- The separation of family reorders priorities.
- The pain of loss is lessened when shared with those who love you.
- Hope breaks through even the darkest times when you wake up and look for the sunrise.
- A parent’s love is unconditional, unyielding and ever-present.
- Manners open doors creating new friendships, and rudeness creates distance and
separation.
- “Do overs” are a necessary part of grace.
- Intimacy begins with respect.
- It’s best if your spouse is also your best friend.
- Love only fades when commitment falters.
- Declaring your need is not a sign of weakness but an opportunity to be nurtured and loved.

“Daddy?” I hear from the back. “I’m thirsty.”

“I need the restroom.”

“Did we pack snacks?”

The turning indicator signals our exit. A gas station at the end of the off-ramp beckons us, and I drive up to the gas pump and top the tank off. We troop into the store to refresh ourselves.

Revived, we head out again.

The clearest way to see where you are going is to look back and see where you have been. Successes as well as failures temper us and enable us to become better spouses, parents, children, and friends.

“Are we there yet?” rings from the back seat snapping me back to the here and now.

“Almost!” I respond, ready to learn new lessons along my way.

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